HOW TO DO SOMETHING (FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS NO CLUE)
I love to write. I love public speaking. I love social media. I love to research. I love conspiracy theories. I love the convergence of language and power and how language can influence people. These are the things I really love. I even have a master’s in English Language and Linguistics concentrating on critical discourse analysis (the study of texts, language, and communication in their social context), but when I go to give my opinion, even on a subject I have studied and written about for years; when I go to pursue jobs in these fields; when I go to give my opinion in a discussion, I feel like a fake. A fraud. A failure. A liar. Inadequate. As if I am not good enough.
So I am there, silently thinking “Who am I to give my opinion? Who do I think I am to even speak about this subject? Why do I think I can even hold my own in this conversation? Why would anyone want my opinion on this or any subject?”
I feel like an imposter.
Hi! I suffer from Imposter Syndrome. What is Imposter Syndrome? It is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. It makes you feel like a phony no matter your social status, education, skill level, etc. You feel that the only reason you have achieved what you have is through sheer luck or that it was all a mistake and someone is going to figure it out…soon.
My first feelings of inadequacy, that I can remember, arose when I placed 2nd in a state speech contest in high school. That feeling was intensified when, in my senior year I was told I couldn’t be a commencement day speaker because, even though I had the best speech and was the best speaker, I didn’t have high enough grades to be a role model and it just wouldn’t look good. That scarred me and started the whirlwind of feelings that have stuck with me. I never feel good enough to apply for jobs that I know I can do, or to pursue my Ph.D. which I have dreamed about for years.
However, I do admit that there are times when my imposter syndrome fuels my motivation to achieve my goals. I become laser-focused on one thing. I over-prepare and then I nit-pick myself and work myself into a frenzy of doubt, worry, and depression causing so much anxiety because I am scared that everyone is going to find out what an absolute fraud I am.
While research has shown that people who suffer from Imposter Syndrome are high-achievers, creative people, students, movie stars, etc., it really isn’t comforting for me to know that famous people/millionaires/highly successful people suffer from this. It just adds to my mounting self-doubt as I am unemployed, sitting in my jammies, on my bed, at 3 am, drinking cheap cava out of the bottle *GO ME!*
I know that this is in my head, that I deserve my achievements, and that my opinion is just as valuable as the next person’s, but it is an overwhelming feeling of self-doubt and criticism that overtakes me. I think that at any moment a bouncer is going to throw me out of the cool kids club for being a complete and total failure.
These feelings will never go away, but there are some things you (and I) can do to combat them.
- First, recognize the feelings and talk about them. People always say to talk about things, and I firmly believe that this true. Get it out in the open. Someone else could feel the same or have a different way of looking at things. It really helps to get it off your chest.
- Second, realize you are not alone. There are tons of people out there feeling the same way. For example, Michelle Obama has talked about this and has Imposter Syndrome as well.
- Third, remind yourself of all that you have achieved. Academics keep a curriculum vitae — a list of their achievements and works. This is a great idea to have to go back over and help you realize everything you have done.
- Fourth, seek out a mentor who can guide you through tough situations.
- Fifth, stop comparing yourself to others. This is a major source of feelings of inadequacy. Every time you compare yourself to someone else, it fuels feelings of inadequacy. Instead of comparing, actively listen to what they have to say and learn from them. You may find out that they too have these feelings and can even give you pointers.
Remember, feeling like an imposter doesn’t mean that you are one. It means that you have achieved things in your life that you are attributing to luck instead of to your talent. Turn that feeling into gratitude. Look at all you have accomplished, no matter how small you may think some of it is, and thank yourself. You deserve it all!
